Where's the love?

Remember this hideous cute little couple?

13 year old broseph, Alfie Patten and 15 year old level 70 troll, Chantelle Steadman, with their demonic hellspawn destined to purge the world with fire and brimstone, Maisie.

Keep reading and I’ll tell you a wonderful tale of my “youth.”

If you want to read about this story, go here. Read and weep, dear reader.

I’m not sure if all of you know about this, though there has been a lot of coverage on this particular story. There really isn’t anything wrong with this at all if told the classic way most of us have heard it: man meets woman, man and woman fall in love, man and woman have a baby. Now replace “man” with “boy” and “woman” to “troll” or “girl,” it’s quite interchangeable on this situation. It’s a bit weirder now, isn’t it? Philthy Artist actually told me once that he read a study on teens’ sexual activity. It was stated that kids are already having their first sexual experience at a young age of 12. Holy shit, really? Fucking 12? Fucking AT 12? At this point in time, I didn’t even know what sex was! I was still engrossed in the adventures of Mighty Max to even know what the fuck I was supposed to fucking do with my cute little Asian penis.

Shit yeah, Max. You were so fucking RAD, I would almost miss the bus just to watch you.

Actually, I lied, but not totally. Back then, I already had crushes and understood the idea of a girlfriend. Hell, I even remember her name, Adrienne Barash. To the extent of my knowledge, all I knew that I wanted to do was to hug her, hold hands, and well….kiss her.

But sex? SEX?

Shit, I didn’t even THINK of it. Well, maybe I did but then again, I was a weird little bitch growing up. The point of me saying all of this was that, even at a young age, I didn’t completely understand where the intimacies of a relationship could go to. I was so wrapped up in my Power Rangers, schoolwork, and Kung Fu practice enough to not even postulate the idea of sex. The one thing I knew though, was….well…..love.

God, Amy Jo Johnson. You were supposed to be my wife. I knew that since I was 11.

Yes, love. Growing up in an Asian household with an older sister, all the songs I ever heard was love songs. Asia is ALL about love songs. Everything from Alex To, Utada Hikaru, Janno Gibbs, Jackie Cheung…..holy shit, love love love. And you know what, it’s one of my biggest influences in life. My father raised me right and told me many times (behind my mother’s back of course) that, “treat your girl like how you want your daughter to be treated,” couple that with the countless melodic songs that praise fairy tale love in 4 different languages and you pretty much have this super innocent little Asian boy with such an innocent crush on this Adrienne Barash. From what I understood, I wanted to love her and not fuck her brains out until the cows come home. (Cliche, I know, but we live in South Jersey; there ARE cows here, fuck you.)

This was the first image in Google when I typed "puppy love." Whatever, you guys get what I'm saying.

Things never did happen between Adrienne and I. Not because she didn’t like me (but she probably didn’t anyways) but because I never asked her out or even hinted that I liked her. The closest thing I ever did to show her how I felt was dropping poems that I wrote into her locker, secret admirer-style. I was just happy seeing her giggle and blush everytime she opened her locker and read the poem that I passionately wrote to her. Even then, if we were to have “gone out,” it would only mean parental supervised events to the movies or….what…I dunno…bowling? What the hell do kids to at 12? Well, sure as hell doing the horizontal polka would have been hard to pull off during my Wonder Years.

So back to the main story, what ever did happen to Alfie and his Troll-queen Chantelle?
Guess what? It’s not his child.
Bitch was a whore that hit the whole town. Go ahead and read it here.

So, what does this all mean? Are today’s youth lacking morals? I don’t think so. Basically, we’re on the verge of “A Brave New World.” Sex is on the media 24/7, there’s a drug for anything and everything, and we have a black president (which happens to be awesome). I’m not saying that the change is bad, we’re just moving forward. Hell, I LOVE the fact that girls dress like whores these days, I just don’t get how boys in school get anything done during school with all the slut-gear around.  In the end, I don’t think what Alfie and Chantelle was wrong. If a man/boy loves a woman/girl/troll and both choose to consumate their love, there’s nothing much more beautiful than that. Sure, they should have used a condom or better yet not do it at all, but even today, there is a drug for even undoing this mistake of unplanned pregnancy. There’s the morning after pill, the week after pill, and the first trimester pill.

Even with all the drugs in the world that solves everything from a flaccid dick to a lack of vitamin C, there was one thing that these kids (and all couples of any age that follow this example) couldn’t buy at the store to sort this problem out.

Love.
The single most powerful tool in any relationship, but it seems like today love has been equated to sex. It’s not, but I’ll also be reasonable. You can love someone for many years or even just for one night, but it’s still a large difference to just pure lust. Love was my abstinence tool and because of it, I’ve had great memorable relationships.

Aiya...

I know there must be alot of you that disagree with me but love kept me from making any stupid decisions about my virginity until I was 17, when my Korean girlfriend, at the time, raped me and soon changed me into what I am now. Kinda. I’ll save that for another blog post though, haha.

Faiz out.