your scene sucks.

rob dobi has been around the internet block for a few years now, but he’s done some updates (as far as i can tell), and his site looks a lot cleaner. even after these past years his work still holds very true to the original social commentary. check him out at yourscenesucks.

maybe you’ll find yourself in one of his many categories? i’ll admit i’m a little guilty of it… hit the jump to sample some styles.

here is your quintessential male scenester.  an unlikely mish-mash of every subgenre of the current underground music scene, this guy has something for everyone!  from his hip graphic tees, down to his extremely snug girls jeans, he garners the attention of all the ladies at the local vfw shows.

he gets his makeup tips from the best of ‘em, including gerard way and brendan urie, two pioneers in the guyliner scene.  his parents question his choice of hairstyle, but he assures them he’s just “expressing himself.”

despite listening to pop music written for the radio, he will be the first to denounce a band the second they catch the slightest break. the same kid declaring bands as sellouts is the same kid working at walmart.

even though his sense of style nor the bands he listens to should be considered “emo” in the traditional sense, he is exactly what the media would paint as its emo posterchild.

somewhere jeremy engik and guy picciotto are shaking their heads.

she’s the girl you see at all the “scene” shows, putting her chest piece prominently on display for all her super-indie (see: pop-punk) friends to admire.  much like other scenesters, she is completely void of any originality and bases her identity off of whatever she sees everyone else doing.

she updates her livejournal on an hourly basis, making sure to keep everyone informed about her ever-evolving and always drama-filled relationships. speaking of boys, she only dates ones with the exact same taste in music, because in the end isn’t that what matters most?

her jeans and cowboy shirts come directly from urban outfitters, but when asked she’ll tell you she can’t stand “that store.”  as for her hair color, it changes as quickly as her mood, and trust me, that’s fast!

need to find her late at night? she’ll more than likely be at the local underwear party- just look for the girl with the poorly thought-out nautical stars tattooed in all the right/wrong places!

omg! new pix! new pix! new pix! plz comment! she’s got ‘em and she wants you to know.  she won’t be legal for another 3 or 4 years and she’s well on her way to becoming one of the internet’s most sought after pieces of jailbait.  if only her parents knew what their little darling was doing in their master bathroom mirror!

she has 73,512+ friends on her account, and 98% of them are desperate men “just stoppin by to show some luv, holler back”

her musical tastes revolve around whatever is being forcefed to her through myspace that week. whether it’s through spammed “thanks for the add!” comments or through advertisements, her favorite musicians are predetermined by whoever can afford to promote their songs on the social networking site.

if you can see beyond the glittery text and the 45 embedded youtube videos on her page, there’s an insecure, attention-hungry girl in there- she just needs to learn to keep her clothes on.

this guy is single-handedly responsible for the commercialization of your favorite bands, childhood television shows, and quirky indie movies.  his other favorite shirts include such witty sayings as… “i saw your mom on myspace,” “the voices in my head are telling you to shut up,” and “can’t sleep… the clowns will eat me!”

he can’t commit to single trend (no permanent hairdye or real tattoos) because it all changes so quickly.  despite his willingness to follow whatever trend his favorite store features that week, his shirts always seem a year or two behind the times.

you know your favorite band is no longer part of the underground once this kid starts hawking their merch.

he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, and premarital sex?  well, maybe. unlike his nerdy scenester counterparts, this guy takes care of himself.  his daily exercise routine consists of 50 roundhouse kicks, performing windmills until his shoulders give out, and at least 10 minutes of mock stage dives into his parents pool.

he’s from a rare breed of the hardcore fan; very few exist past the age of 21.  due to their adolescent abstinence, guys like this often lose all signs of their former “posi” attitude and become raging alcholics.  awkward doesn’t even begin to explain how difficult it is to explain “edge” tattoos to chicks at the bar.

if you want to contact him for crucial mosh tips, don’t hesitate to IM him at xedgextilxdeathx

he’s the last of a dying breed.  the prehistoric emo only emerges from the depths of his studio apartment when his favorite bands reunite for one last show- and even then, he shows no sign of enthusiasm whatsoever.

once an avid fan of the underground emo scene, he now cringes at the sight of today’s batch of kids. he avoids mainstream media altogether, would rather listen to npr than podcasts and has no idea why anyone would panic at a disco.  his favorite thrift stores are now raided by trend-hopping teens, making him resort to wearing the same vintage tees he has had for years.

he cries when he listens to pinkerton and spends days at a time organizing his vinyl collection.  he refuses to join the kids on the current social networking sites as he finds them repulsive, yet seems to forget about the long since abandoned makeoutclub account he made years ago.

his casual-yet-somewhat dorky look has become the mainstream, and he is no longer identified as the emo king he once was. tear.

this bro has gone through every possible scene phase in the past few years, so he reverts back to hip hop- which he vaguely remembers being cool in fourth grade. signs of his previous flings with the “scene” are still apparent in his plugs, hidden tattoos and the swoop haircut that resides under his fitted cap.

inspired by icons such as pharrel and jay z, the faux hip-hopper runs his own urban streetwear line that mainly consists of googled images and all-over gold leaf printing. references to drugs, pop culture, and blatantly copyrighted images are a must.

he proudly displays his $800 bape hoodie which is, unbeknownst to him, a fake. his shop of choice is karmaloop.com, and frequently spends way more than he is worth on limited-edition nike dunks.

although he favors hip hop and lists his ethnicity as “of african descent” on myspace, he resides somewhere in portland and plays drums for a metalcore band. to make things worse, the faux hip-hop scenester doesn’t know a single black person and fears for his life when one enters the room.

check the site for even more scenesters and full size images. you’ll laugh at some point.